Family chews out niece for refusing to let 17-year-old college student share her NYC apartment: 'They haven't offered me anything in return'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 1, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Living in dorms is one of those American college rites of passage that a lot of us wouldn't trade for the world. Sure, there are compromises. You have to learn how to share space, you might have an annoying roommate, you might face a sexile. But these are all growing experiences that aid you on your path to becoming a fully-fledged adult. Sure, I hated having to shower with flip-flops on for a whole year, but on the other hand, it exposed me to a fleet of germs that surely helped boost my immune system. And I learned how to make eggs in a microwave. All valuable survival skills. 

I understand why you'd want to skip over this necessary evil, but certainly not in favor of living with your older cousin. You need to be free to do your own thing, for Pete's sake! That's why everyone quickly took this woman's side when a family argument broke out.

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    Cheezburger Image 9900792320
    via Marcus Loke
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Obvious_Horse1891 • 19h AITA for refusing to house my cousin
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 03
    My (25f) cousin (17M) recently got into NYU (I'm so proud of him!!!). My mom told me when I invited her over for dinner a couple of weeks ago. She then brought up that he could live with me instead of dorming. She brought it up in a casual and joking manner so I laughed and said "I can't live with that drama queen for the life of me". She shrugged it off and she didn't bring up the topic again that night.
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 04
    Almost four days later I got a call from my aunt; she reiterated what my mother said and said she was so grateful for what I was doing for my cousin. I went silent for a little and asked what she meant by that. My aunt said that I had agreed to take my cousin in and let him live with me for his academic career.
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 05
    I was shocked at first and told her that I never agreed to that. She then followed with- word to word- "I know, but he's your cousin, the least you can do is let him stay at your apartment". Now that I type it out it seems sort of innocent, but in that moment it angered me. I lost my cool and told her I don't owe anybody and hung up.
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 06
    I'll admit, I didn't handle that in the best manner and I could have been a lot calmer, but I really don't want someone to live with me. I live by myself in a 2 bedroom apartment in Forest Hills, I already pay a lot for rent, and have a very tight budget for food. Even if his parents offered to pay for his expenses, such as food and transportation, I still wouldn't want him living with me.
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 07
    Shortly after my blow up with my aunt, A few of my family members began blowing up my phone saying that I'm being selfish and I'm jealous of my cousins success. My uncle texted me saying that I'm ruining his sons life and ranted about how self-absorbed I am. To be frank, I don't care what he or anyone else in my family tells me about this situation. There's a reason I try to avoid them at family functions.
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 08
    What makes me wonder if I am the is when my mother said that I was being unfair and that I'll open my apartment door for one-night stands but not for her own family. I told her that she can have a say in who I let in my apartment when she starts paying my rent. Right now, I'm contemplating blocking my mom.
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 09
    Part of me feels like I am being an and the other part of me feels like its my apartment so I shouldn't be bullied into anything I don't want to do. I'm not mad at my cousin because he's a kid, but I'm really mad at everyone in my family taking his parents and mom side of the story. My dad has been very supportive of my decision and is reprimanding my mom and her family about the whole situation. So AITA?
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 10
    TheZZ9 19h Certified Proctologist [29] NTA. But I'd suggest reaching out directly to cousin and telling him that it's nothing personal and nothing against him. Frankly staying in a dorm at college is a big deal. It makes you more independent and makes it far easier to socialise and make friends. Some colleges even mandate dorm living for the first year for this reason.
    via u/TheZZ9
  • 11
    Obvious_Horse1891 OP. 19h I forgot to add that I did contact him last week to tell him that it's not personal and he's more than welcome to visit if he decides to dorm. He hasn't replied to my text and I didn't think he would bc we're not really that close.
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 12
    somewhat-sane-in-NYC. 17h If he won't reply to your text, what makes ANYONE think that he would make a good roommate?
    via u/somewhat-sane-in-NYC
  • 13
    StonewallBrigade21 • 19h Supreme Court Just- [107] Your aunt and the people calling you selfish are . You are 100% NTA. Your aunt and 100% relatives are bonkers. My uncle texted me saying that I'm ruining his sons life That's insane. Stay far away from all of these people as much as possible. Tell them "NO" and cut contact. Be strong.
    via u/StonewallBrigade21
  • 14
    Obvious_Horse1891 OP 18h • I was thinking about cutting contact but I want to resolve this like adults so we don't have to go there. I have no idea if I ever will be able to talk it out with them though.
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 15
    Specific_Anxiety_343 • 19h Enthusiast [6] NTA. It's hard to imagine a 17 yo would want to stay off campus with an older cousin. Sounds like his family is trying to take advantage of you to save money. Did they offer to pay half your rent?
    via u/Specific_Anxiety_343
  • 16
    Obvious_Horse1891 OP 18h They haven't offered me anything in return for housing him
    via u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 17
    NTA StAlvis 19h • Galasstic Overlord [1664] in Forest Hills FFS do they even know where NYU is?
    via u/StAlvis
  • 18
    SliceEquivalent825 • 19h Enthusiast [7] NTA but your mom started this nonsense and perpetuated it. She way overstepped your boundaries. You worked hard to get to this point in your life. I would have been angry to when your family started with the finger pointing and name calling. Your cousin can live in a dorm just like other students. Reply 202 Obvious_Horse1891 OP 18h Tbh, I'm most disappointed with my mom but not surprised bc she's extremely family-oriented to the point where she turns a bli
    via u/SliceEquivalent825 & u/Obvious_Horse1891
  • 19
    NTA. Diligent-Comfort-191 • 18h Enthusiast [7] "It's the least you can do..." "I assure you it isn't." "You'll open your door for one night stands but not your family." "I don't want to sleep with my cousin and he won't be gone in the morning."
    via u/Diligent-Comfort-191

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